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balance (2): April 2009

Thursday, April 30, 2009

another version of easy life

i sort of forgot that i came back to colorado 5 years ago to work- i was just reading back through old blog entries and was amused at my grumpy moaning from that time. 5 years ago i wasn't jaded by thailand yet, hadn't lived a 3rd world life long enough to appreciate the things america has to offer. i was also working in denver, which is a very depressing and conservative town compared to boulder, and working at a stuffy corporation rather than a creative agency. i have grown up quite a bit since that time too! anyway, i am not bitter to have come back this time around, maybe because i did so by choice rather than necessity. i am actually rather happy for now- i catch myself whistling a lot and making friendly conversation with random people in passing (definitely not my normal self!). i think somewhere tame and comparatively "nice" is what i needed at this point- i didn't write too much about it but a lot of the past year in thailand was rather traumatic in some ways!... though it has only been a week and it won't be long until the comparative tedium of this life hits me and i start to miss all that drama and my crazy collection of friends in asia.

it's nice to wake up and make coffee while i listen to NPR. i walk across the creek to the bus stop, booing at squirrels and picking flowers. the thin air feels healthier than the thick, heavy air of the tropics. it snowed the other day and i stopped to watched my breath steam for about 5 minutes straight, shivering deliciously. i read the paper on the bus, with listings of all the fun things i want to do while i am here (if i ever manage to stop being lazy and/or meet some interesting people to hang with- my old friends by the way are not an option as they have become old, fat and conservative, and are all still living within a mile of the high school we went to). my office is a huge, sleek warehouse. people bring their dogs in to work (and i spent more time than is normal chasing them down to pet). thankfully, it is not full of "lawnmower people" as my friend and i refer to them (people who have nothing better in their lives to be excited about than their new lawnmowers), though they are still a bit more suburban-american than i would like (need a side trip to NY). still, they are friendly and energetic, and they all seem to be really good at what they do (rather than the incompetent morons of jobs past). i am handling the microsoft account, which is cool i guess. i don't mind being busy. i try to make sense of the chaos and translate it to deliverables, listening to my iPod to drown out the stupid jokes of my silly neighbors. i might be able to handle this awhile... i am certainly in no hurry to get back to thailand for now (even though i am paying rent on a house there still and my twin/boyfriend of sorts is begging me to call him).

let's see... i certainly am not gonna settle. but maybe there is some room in my life for normality too. after all, the title of this blog is 'balance', is it not?



april snow(!) from my balcony




april flowers on my street

Monday, April 27, 2009

"home"

i had no idea really what to expect, coming back to boulder. i have to admit i dreaded it, there are so many things i despise about the US. but boulder is my real home, or as close to it as i get in my gypsy life. home is hard to go back to after so long because it is so brutally honest. i keep running into my younger self here, at the coffeeshops, smoke shops, bus stops. memories of things i have done, people i have known (family especially), ideas i have had, mistakes i have made, feelings i have felt here. so many more than i realized- it makes me feel abruptly ancient and awkward. but at the same time it is exhilirating to realize i belong to a place.

boulder is clean and fresh. such clean and fresh-faced people with their mountain bikes and their fluffy pedigreed dogs. there is music everywhere- each bus driver plays their favorite and sings along. everyone is ridiculously friendly- and they talk a lot (or is it that i can understand the conversations around me that makes it seem overwhelming?). they all chew gum and wear khaki and eat organic. my makeup and earrings and heels are obscene here. (i never did really fit in)... i have a condo next to the creek with a view of the mountains. it has drinkable tap water and fast internet. i bought a cool scwhinn cruiser and rode around town until my knees hurt. i bought pop tarts and string cheese and artichokes. i spent all weekend in the movie theater sucking up independent films. i have jet lag so i wake up and make coffee at 4am and then twiddle my thumbs. tomorrow i have to go to work- the first day is always the worst. tied to a desk 9-5 for the next 12 weeks, i hope i survive if not thrive. this could possibly lead me somewhere i didn't anticipate, which i am trying to keep in mind. i am excited as much as i am wary. i am happy to be back here for now. thailand is such a dark, self destructive place when i look at it honestly. i have made such a fool of myself there as much as i also lived and loved large. we shall see which side wins the war in the heart of me between my two true homes (though NY is a 3rd contender).

Saturday, April 18, 2009

ayahh

send me all your tips on how to stop thinking so much! i need them now! i have forgotten how to breathe...


post breakup winds of change pinkeye i always seem to get




goodbye to another room

headed back through bangkok and then on to the US!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

sawadee bi mai (happy thai new year)

the problem with a dj boyfriend is they are always dj'ing! especially at songkran! and are surrounded by party people on drugs.


who's the dj

so i am spending a lot of time wandering on my own taking pics or smoking cigarettes out the small window in my room. luckily there is food at 7-11! i wandered around the thapae gate area today (the khao san road of chiang mai i am realizing), the second day of the songkran wars (both literally and figuratively!)... they had a yummy food market, and i the great white farang went to watch the thais war it out safely from the dry windows of starbucks with the bangkok post decrying violence. tourists were trying to drown each other to techno music.


songkran at thapae gate

saw a little pop band on the coca cola stage, wandered down the parade route (which was mostly thais and was lovely... little folk bands, ladyboys and children painted up, monks smiling serenely). the water they sprinkle you politely with on that street had flowers in it, and one tippled over my head was menthol. i am actually enjoying myself here, love some sides of chiang mai! just a bit of frustration with the boyfriend and his party crew. it's too bad i love him to death on his own or i would have packed up and hightailed it to elsewhere by now! hopefully after songkran is over we will spend a few days together when he doesn't have to work!!! but doubt i could take it long term, guys with dreams don't seem to have time for girlfriends.

a friend of mine took this video today about 3 blocks from where I just moved away from a week or so ago! pretty scary things happening in bangkok right now.

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