Thursday, October 14, 2004


i have managed to avoid otto thus far, which is actually quite surprising, since i have now run into several of his friends. i am beginning to think he has committed suicide, as no one seems to have seen him for a long while. i am secretly glad not to have bumped into him though, it takes a lot of the pressure off of me. in the last year (with the help of a puling creep i dated in NY) i have realized i am quite finished with playing mommy to any guy. and my freedom isn't being impeded... though being without him has its drawbacks too, as he is such a big part of thai life to me. i'll see how long i can keep this independent streak up.

this morning after a quiet breakfast surrounded by kittens i walked (limped actually, in blister covered feet) to the express boat. i listened to music and watched families wash in the river on the way to saphan taksin, where i caught the skytrain to ploenchit station. i was headed towards an orphanage i had read about online. i arrived, feeling quite stupid and shy actually, and saw lots of little toddlers toddling around, with a few older farangs hovering over them. one scottish man took me under his wing and gave me the lowdown. there were about 30 kids, most of whom were dumped off by university students who didn't want them. they had one big room full of cribs where they all slept- ranging from 16 days old to about 2 years old. i had come at playtime so the more mobile ones were allowed out in the yard, where they are desperate for individual attention. i only had a little over an hour but got to know a few of the babies, who were all diaper clad and carrying plastic bottles (their toys), which they used to hit each other over their heads. i admit i had selfish motives, as i probably need attention as much as they do right now, but i am glad we could share it for a short time. i would love to go more aften but it's over an hour trip from where i stay. the scottish man was a regular and said i should at least come in a month or so when there is some turn over and there would be all new babies to meet. apparently most of them end up being adopted out to europeans, so their plight is not so sad after all.


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